Category: How to deal with a manipulative ex

How to deal with a manipulative ex

The toxic ex-wife or husband doesn't respect the boundaries of their relationship with their ex. They have never really let go of their mates and will hang on for dear life all the while undermining your ability to co-parent with them and move on to a new life. Even though you are divorced they still feel they have a right to know what you are doing and who you are doing it with.

You will be bombarded with questions about your life. Are you seeing anyone? Where were you over the weekend? Your children will be questioned about what you are doing with your life. The toxic ex-wife or husband has no problem using the children to find out information about you and your life. There is a difference between friendly interaction and an attempt to control, which is what the toxic ex wishes to do. This sort of ex will do whatever it takes to sabotage any new relationship you form.

This type of toxic ex comes in different forms. They may try and turn your children against you by bad-mouthing you and your actions to the children. Or, they go as far as abandoning their own children to punish you for some wrongdoing they feel you have done. They are willing to hurt their own children in an attempt to control you or get back at you in some way.

This is a very dangerous and wounded individual. If they treat their children badly and cause their children to become angryyou will be blamed.

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You may go months at a time without seeing them or talking to them but, you can bet that if something goes wrong, you will be blamed. You will hear comments projecting failure on your part as a result of your inability to hold the marriage together. They will say and do whatever needed to undermine the goals you set for yourself. Some will go as far as predicting failure for the goals their children set. This is symptomatic of a vengeful and manipulative mindset and any comments from such a person should be ignored.

If they choose to ignore the needs of their childrenyou can bet it will be because of something you said or did. To be able to live with their own bad choices they have to alleviate the guilt by making it appear that they had no choice. All their bad choices are made based on some wrong you did them They will defy court orders knowing you will take them back to court. They get to use the court system to punish you and, to stay connected with you. This is one great reason for making sure you have a good settlement agreement before you sign your divorce papers.

Cathy Meyer. Cathy Meyer is a certified divorce coach, marriage educator, freelance writer, and founding editor of DivorcedMoms.

As a divorce mediator, she provides clients with strategies and resources that enable them to power through a time of adversity. Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter.Dealing with divorce is never easy. In fact it is probably amongst the most stressful and grueling experiences one can go through. When we get married we start off with a tremendous amount of hope and expectation.

Intellectually we know it will take work but it is truly impossible to really know what kind of work it will take until we are already down the path of the marriage. I believe the reason it is difficult to get an idea of what the work of marriage will look like is because I believe it is individual to each marriage and the specific issues which exist between the partners.

Whatever the issues are which end the marriage being divorced can often be harder than it ever was being married, especially if you share children. When divorced couples share children there is no ending to the relationship which makes moving on difficult because the children bind us together for our lives.

We not only have to deal with our ex but we have to often deal solely with all the aspects of them that we tried to divorce. Here we have divorced this person to get away from their negative traits and we seem to deal more with them post-divorce then we did married. When this happens so often does parent alienation syndrome. If children start distancing from the other parent we can be sure parent alienation is occurring.

There is nothing more debilitating emotionally then when our spouse manipulates the children against the other. There is no greater pain then watching our children being poisoned. We often feel powerless and heart broken. The only cure for this is time. In time children always come to see the bigger picture. When these circumstances occur, which sadly is more often than not, it can feel impossible to keep any balance in our lives or in the lives of the children because there is so much manipulation being inflicted upon them that they cannot see or understand.

When this type of situation is happening there is only one recourse. We have to stay focused on the love we can give our children when we have our time with them. We have to stay focused on our individual lives and make them so strong that we have fulfillment individually which will make us a happier more emotionally available parent. When we have control in our own world it gives the children the space to feel their own emotions and go through their own experience of the manipulation.

In scaling back and focusing on our own lives this will not only start to bring stability back into our world but it will also begin to slowly bring stability into the world of the children when they are on our custodial time. If an amicable relationship cannot be had regardless of our efforts with our ex-spouse then learn how to treat that person as a business.

This relationship should be minimized to talking only about the children and their needs. This is not an easy thing to master especially when you are aware the children are being manipulated and decisions regarding the children are being made without our full agreement or consent.

The only thing that can heal that wound will be time. See, the truth is like the cream in coffee it will eventually raise to the surface. Communicate only through writing so you have a line of documentation if necessary to review with your legal team.

If your ex responds to your communication with attack, re-read what you sent and see if you communicated all the necessary information and if so, do not respond to the attack. Be cordial but say very little when in person with your ex.

Become aware of covert tactics and manipulations by your ex. Educate yourself so you can see them so you can avoid getting sucked in. Repsect the custodial schedule. Minimize asking favors from the ex like switching weekends as this will be held against you in the future.

Attend practices on your time and attend all games.

Is Your Ex Playing Mind Games - Breakup Survior System

Remember that the children love you both and deserve for you to both love them rather than barter and fight over them. If one partner stops the fighting the other will soon have nothing left to fight with and things will calm down. Refrain from telling your ex how to parent.Unfortunately, I had a difficult ex-wife to deal with. She tried a lot of things to try and split me and my then boyfriend, though she was unsuccessful thankfully, and we have been married for 20 years now.

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Dealing with a manipulative ex-wife is like being on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, as if hormones are not enough to cope with. The key thing is not to take any of this personally.

How to Deal with My Husband’s Manipulative Ex Wife

I wish I had been able to see that side of things when I needed to. She is likely to try a number of different manipulative tricks. She rang constantly about ridiculous things that she could have dealt with concerning the children.

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She was basically asserting her authority over her ex-husband and showing me that when she clicked her fingers, he would come running. The problem was — he did.

What can you do?

how to deal with a manipulative ex

She can cause you to be in a very tricky situation. You basically have two choices, you can walk away, or you can stay on and fight for your relationship. But, be assured that unless the ex-wife has mental issues, it will all die down, eventually. In time, she will come to see you as no threat, but rather a potential babysitter, so be prepared. Having good support from your partner through these times is crucial, otherwise the relationship is doomed for failure.

You cannot have him saying one thing to you and another to her. No doubt your name will be mud in any conversation she has with him. Try not to worry about this, she is the one who is on the outer fringe, not you.

After all, you hold an ace card too, her ex-husband, not that it should be a slinging match. The best way to deal with a manipulative ex-wife who constantly pokes her nose into your lives and tells lies to get what she wants, is to try and ignore her.

how to deal with a manipulative ex

Do not get involved in any arguments, let your partner deal with her and everything to do with the children. It can be an awful situation having two women in one relationship. If you value the union you have with your partner, do not give in. Stand strong, keep a low profile and stand by your marriage. Previous Next. The manipulative ex-wife: How to deal with her without losing your mind. Having a manipulative ex-wife is potentially very damaging to your marriage. She can and do wreak havoc in your life.Divorce is hard.

Divorce is one of the most stressful life experiences a person can go through. We get married and we are full of hope for our new life as a married couple, we gain great excitement through sharing our journey with the one person we love.

We enter marriage not knowing what to expect, and we all know each individual marriage is different, and that there will be different obstacles for each couple to overcome that exists within each relationship. The reality is not all marriages last, and divorce can cause more heartbreak than being married caused, more so if you share children.

Sharing children means the other parent, in most cases, is always going to be in your life, and you will always have some sort of relationship which in turn means you will never be able to get away from the behaviors that caused the divorce. Unfortunately, this is where children can become victims, because of parental control.

Children are unable to see this occurring because they are young and immature and it can be devastating to the other parent to see their children being manipulated. If we start retaliating we are doing exactly what they are doing and leaving our children confused.

The best thing to do is to allow our children to talk to us and correct any wrongs without also trying to manipulating our children.

It may take time but the truth always comes out and as our children mature they will become more and more self-aware. Once your marriage is over, you need to try your best to become emotionally detached. Keep communication documented, if possible only communicate in writing, by email or text. This can then be reviewed by your legal team and used as evidence if required.

Never write a correspondence when you are angry.

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Calm yourself down before you write. If your ex responds with an attack, do not attack them back, and respond only if there are points regarding the children that need to be addressed. Try and say very little when you are face-to-face with your ex. Stay cordial. You becoming aware of them is a big advantage. If you have a schedule in place, implemented informally or by the courts, stick to it.

Just be patient. Remember that the children are not to blame. They love both parents and the last thing they need is for their parents to be fighting over them. Get a hobby, meet friends and in time maybe start dating. When a marriage and family fall apart we can get so focused on hate, blame and fear that it can consume us. It takes valuable time and energy away from self-healing and more importantly, our children who are suffering to the adjustments also. We divorce someone for a reason, try and remember why and use that to help us focus on regaining control of our lives again.

Try to keep a positive mindset, focus on the good things you can now concentrate on. When we are fighting children feel pressured to take sidesand this is an unfair pressure for us as parents to put onto our children. This will create unconditional bonds that will strengthen your relationship between you and your children and above all always show them how much you really love them.I have written in the past about the fact that there is more than one aspect to a divorce.

First is the legal divorce, where the judge ends the marriage and a document known as a Judgment of Divorce or similar paper is entered with the court legally ending your marriage. Just as important, and in some divorces of overriding importance, is the psychological divorce.

The psychological divorce is the ability of one or both spouses to move on to the next chapter of their lives.

In particularly nasty divorces, one or the other is unable to move on due to anger, bitterness, and emotional or psychological problems, just to give some examples. The more toxic an ex-spouse is, the more problems there will be moving forward, especially if there are minor children. The most important point to remember is that your children are the innocent victims of your divorce.

Do not put them in the middle of your ongoing battles.

how to deal with a manipulative ex

Do not show them the court papers. Do not alienate the children from the other parent. Remember that children understand more than you realize, and the more power they are given, the more that they are going to manipulate and play one parent against the other. Try to step back and remember that your children should be free to love each of their parents unconditionally. Henry Gornbein practices in all areas of Michigan family law including divorce, child custody, parenting time, child support, spousal support, prenuptial and postnuptial agreements, interstate custody issues, domicile issues, as well as mediation and arbitration of all family law matters.

He is certified as a mediator as well as in collaborative law. He is frequently appointed to mediate and arbitrate domestic relations matters. Yes, and children should be free to love whoever they choose, based on respect and love shown to them. If their father is a functioning alcoholic, is now living with a woman who cheated on her own husband with their father… while the father was still married to the mother and they are teens and have decided that they will spend time with their father as they choose… then what do you say to those teenagers?

They are 17 and What is a parent supposed to say about that?

15 Tips for Dealing with a Toxic Ex-Spouse When Children Are Involved

Amen sister, we always make excuses in the courts for dads on substances. I have the same story of currently divorcing a cheating, functioning alcoholic man. So difficult to begin a life of co-parenting. If a man had done everything she has, they would be in jail. What can be done? I feel your pain, this is happening to use right now. I am in the same situation however I am the mom, its outrageous what my ex is trying to.

He as well is in contempt of everything in our divorce decree and nothing. I believe both kids deserve both parents lets just get along for them. Hate it. I have custody but have a lot of the same issues with him and his gf saying horrible things to my 6 year old. Sometimes you women standing waiting like little scalpers need to give the first marriage a minute. You will be there eventually. How can this be dealt with?

Do you give up and not try communicate with the daughter or what? I have a similar ongoing experience that has been going on for over 5 years.

Continues with any and all interactions with my ex. I do not believe that will never change. I have joint custody and the time I have with my children I encourage them to be everything they want to be and love them unconditionally while trying to shield them from the anger and crazy actions of their mother towards me.A bitter relationship is liked by none. You might have got a bitter taste in your mouth from the last relationship. Yet, with time you might have just decided to move on.

Unfortunately, though you find your manipulative ex-wife trying to create disturbances even in your present relationship. How would you deal with it? Here are a few pieces of advice which will help you.

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Your manipulative ex-wife might be very cunning and would try to blackmail you. She might threaten to reveal some personal details or moments you two had to your present wife. You should be calm, composed and make it known clearly to your ex-wife that you would not accede to her demands.

It is always better to clear up things in your present relationship. Take a proper time and divulge these personal details to your present wife yourself. If you do not, then chances are your manipulative ex-wife would one day take the cat out of the bag and your wife would probably be a lot hurt then.

You are here, reading this article because you wish to understand how to deal with a manipulative person. In day-to-day life, you may come across numerous manipulative people — they are everywhere, after all. So what is the difference between a generally manipulative individual and your manipulative ex-wife? Your manipulative ex-wife might try many measures to mess up your life. So, she might want to try to again get physical with you or she might flirt with you too.

Yet, do not ever reciprocate to her. She might try to get very sentimental and emotional and would try to divert your mind to past memories, yet you should not fall for her trap.

So, be careful and always know the repercussions of your actions.Dealing with a manipulative ex wife is no easy task. There is no one right way to handle it as every situation is different. Read on and find what works for you.

Taking things to heart will only make the situation harder to get through.

how to deal with a manipulative ex

Choose to be the bigger person. This will give you a calmer mind and avoid unnecessary anger. Ensure that you and your husband are committed to one another. This means that the two of you will stand strong no matter how much his ex wife tries to tear you apart. You must be willing to fight for your relationship. Aside from that, being honest will help him to be more supportive. You must also encourage your husband to be open to you as well.

According to psychology, a manipulative personality will do anything to gain control. Be straightforward and blunt with anything you say if you must. It shows power which makes you look confident. Make it a challenge to control you. Remember not to fall for it. If she asks for a favour or help, think through it. What is your gut telling you?

This will make your husband take his mind off her and more on your family.

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Another fact about a manipulative personality is that they tend to cross boundaries. They lack the sense of personal space. If you do, try to ignore her. Make yourself become distant if you can.

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